Friday, August 22, 2014

Homespun Advice for Hollywood Celebrities: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon

Cafeteria Lady entertainment blog contributor Angela Grammer knows that the stars aren't so different from the rest of us--they could use some of the plainspoken wisdom shared in families across America and the world. Today, Angela shares her heartfelt advice for Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

Dear Mariah & Nick,

My heart is heavy as I read that Nick has confirmed that, yes, the rumors are true: after six years of marriage, the two of you have decided to divorce. I know that it is a difficult time for you, and for your entire family, but I hope you will have a moment to hear my heartfelt words for you.

It is especially sad to see the end of marriage between two people who have seemed so devoted to one another, so in love. All of America remembers how we rejoiced just three years ago when you welcomed your precious twin children into the world. And, Mariah, when you kept a vigil by Nick's side as he suffered from kidney failure, it was the kind of loving, caring behavior that every spouse should live up to.

Now, the waggling tongues of Hollywood say that cheating is tearing the two of you apart, and that Nick has made matters worse by telling stories in public that are just too, too public. I've known many couples hurt by these issues over the years. Some of them survive the challenge, but others do not. Bonnie Fuller suggests you stick it out. Maybe that could work. But nobody except you--not Bonnie, not me--knows what goes on when you two are behind closed doors.

So, Mariah and Nick, my advice is this: only you two really know if this marriage can be saved. And I beg of you to make sure the decision is right. But don't do it for me, for your heartbroken fans around the world, or even for yourselves. The ones you need to be thinking about now are your children.

My heart is with you at this tender time. --Angela Grammer 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Bianca Del Rio is In Bed with Joan Rivers!

It's a comedy cavalcade as two of comedy's ballsiest ladies meet! Bianca Del Rio is the season 6 winner of RuPaul's Drag Race, and in this short, hilarious chat, she shows the star power that won her the prize. Has Joan ever laughed more on an episode of this innovative program? Our sources say no!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

"Dating Naked": Titillating Televsion

NUDES NUDES NUDES, in your home! A TV show called "Dating Naked" is here. It's a bunch of naked people, going out on dates with no clothes on.
[Host] Amy Paffrath -- who's married to Drew Seeley -- won't be going on any nude outings anytime soon, but does think the series allows individuals to show their true selves without hiding behind their iPhones ... or all those pesky clothes. 
Will viewers take "Dating Naked" to their bosom? Or has television finally gone too, too far? Sound off in the comments. We're here for you!

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Whoops! She sent a nude to her dad

Have you heard the shocking story of Nyjah Cousar? She accidentally texted a nude picture of her self to her dad! Then, as the "shit hit the fan," she told the whole story on Twitter and in videos. In one clip, her angry dad can be heard to bellow: "It's Twitter--not Titter!" We tittered.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Orange Is the New Black predictions roundup!

Have you seen the new season of Orange Is the New Black? Everyone's talking about it! And here at Cafeteria Lady, we've been practically obsessed by this thoughtful, intelligent show from the start. We even whipped up a steaming batch of season two predictions and, well--click HERE to see just how wrong we were!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

"Soylent" wants to replace food!

Have you heard of Soylent? No, we don't mean Soylent Green, the 1970s sci-fi movie. We mean the new nutritional formulation that's out to replace food as we know it. Why spend time and money eating when you could drink some goo? That's the angle. The New Yorker has a long profile of the strange, provocative concoction and the compelling weirdos behind it. Cafeteria Lady doesn't always have a "long read" recommendation for you, but here's one now: The End of Food.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

One Direction at Machu Picchu

The gorgeous lads of the phenomenal pop group One Direction recently paid a visit to Peru's ancient Machu Picchu! As the video shows, the highly spiritual spot seems to have put Harry & Co. in a reflective, even meditative mood. The location is one of the most beautiful destinations in the world--put it together with the powerful boy-band beauty of OD and wow, wow, wow!

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Our Oscar predictions

The Academy Awards are finally here, and the excitement is mounting throughout the USA and the world! What everyone's asking themselves is Who will win?! Here's what we think!

Best Picture

Nominees: American Hustle, Captain Phillips, Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity, Her, Nebraska, Philomena, 12 Years a Slave, the Wolf of Wall Street

And the winner is: Gravity. It's a safe choice, but it looks adventurous, basically because it reminds people of 2001. The Academy loves that kind of dodge.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Philip Seymour Hoffman

RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman. Everyone is stunned both at the loss and at the accomplishment of his life's work, now that it is done. Asking around, it seems like lots of people liked him best in Along Came Polly or Capote, but we will always remember him best as the sad loser in love with Dirk Digger in Boogie Nights.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Grammy fever!

Those Grammys last night! The indelible memories will never fade.

The big trend? Big hats! Madonna, Pharrell (pictured above with wife Helen Lasichanh), and several others rocked ludicrously large toppers. Will you be doing the same in 2014?

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Angela's Adorable Animals: Hugging cat

Fur crying out loud, this might be the most purr-fect cat gif ever! The fluffy feline is as fluffy as a rug and just loves to hug. --Angela Grammer

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Joan Rivers talks "In Bed with Joan"

Can she talk? Everyone knows that Joan Rivers has lots to say, and this year she's really been letting it rip on In Bed with Joan, her little YouTube show that's changing the way everyone thinks of talk shows.

In a revealing, lengthy interview with Splitsider, Joan opens up about the ideas and inspirations behind "In Bed...," her standup, and the worldview that makes her so unique. Don't believe it? Here's a sample!
You’re one of the most well-known comics out there today, why are you doing a web chat show?
Because that’s where life is now. It’s all about social media and the internet. I look at my grandson and he’s on his iPad and he’s on his iPhone and he’s reading books that are, unfortunately, no longer hardcover books. And I love that; it’s the Wild West out there. I can say what I want on the show, I can ask the questions I want, and it’s just so much fun. And there’s nobody coming to say “Well, we’re the network, and we’d rather you not do that joke.” There’s none of that. It’s all new and wonderful.
It sure is, Joan. It sure is.

Watch Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, on Amazon

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Dot Wiggin Band

Fans of "outsider music" are "Wiggin out"! Why? Why, because of the new album by the Dot Wiggin Band! Dot was the singer and guitarist for the Shaggs, a bizarre sister act that formed in the isolation of rural New Hampshire, pushed by their father/manager, who didn't notice or didn't care that instead of the rock 'n' roll chart-toppers he wanted to hear, the girls were producing twisted, out-of-tune oddities. That was in the 60s. Flashforward a couple decades, and artsy people got hip to the unusual sound and the Shaggs' accidental similarities to the Velvet Underground and other members of the avant garde. Flashforward some more decades, and all of a sudden the reclusive Dot has a new record out, and it is great! It's a jangly, indie rock charmer with more polished edges than the Shaggs ever knew, but it's still got some sweetly freakly moments. Hear the lead single, "Banana Bike," here

Dot Wiggin Band, "Ready Get Go"
The Shaggs, "Philosophy of the World"

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

New "In Bed with Joan" with some lady

It's a new In Bed with Joan! Who's coming out of her closet tonight? Kris Jenner. She's kind of boring. Everyone probably knows that already. But Joan's funny! Watch anything with Joan--it doesn't matter who's on.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

RuPaul & Cassandra Peterson?!

Wow, RuPaul's sensational RuPaul Drives knocks us out again! This time, the guest is Cassandra Peterson, the ghoul--that is, the gal--behind the indelible Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. RuPaul sings Cassandra's praises up and down, and really, you can never say enough about this unique performer. Cassandra talks about her many failed plans for retirement--the world wont let you go that easilly, missy!--and RuPaul names the hilarious Elvira, Mistress of the Dark as one of his top 5 favorite movies. The only thing wrong with this clip? It could be longer! Also, on Halloween, can we call him "BooPaul"?

Monday, October 28, 2013

RuPaul drives Marianne Williamson

So, we are a little late to RuPaul’s fun new youtube series, “RuPaul Drives…”, an informal talk show shot entirely in a moving car with Ru behind the wheel. It’s kind of like “In Bed with Joan,” which Joan Rivers does from her bed (RuPaul was a guest!). The show is quick and breezy, and to watch it is so, so easy! In the latest episode, RuPaul picks up Marianne Williamson, the mega-selling inspirational author and speaker. Marianne’s running for Congress, and Ru is skeptical (so are we). One big surprise: Marianne’s kind of a Lisa Vanderpump lookalike!

Marianne Williamson on Amazon

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

New "In Bed with Joan" with Eric Andre

Yes, Joan Rivers is back, with the 33rd episode of her unvarnished, outrageous online talk show, "In Bed with Joan"! Her guest? It's Eric Andre, and he's one of her boldest, most ribald yet! Also, it looks like Audible is going to be a regular sponsor for Joan--make that money, honey! We're sad, though. Audible sounds so nice, but at double the price of Netflix, it's just too, too expensive. Make us a deal, Audible!

You know what was great? That time Penn Jillette was on Joan's show!

Also great: Thanksgiving Gift Cards--from Amazon!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Elvira's "2 Big Pumpkins"

She's back! Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, the Queen of Halloween has just released a new 7" single that's also available on iTunes. It's the racy "2 Big Pumpkins," b/w "13 Days of Halloween," both by Fred Schneider of the B-52's! Follow the link, and you can hear "2 Big Pumpkins" for absolutely free, plus watch the video there that shows the record's unique, heat-responsive design. Plus, you get a peek at Elvira's storied boo-bs!

UPDATE: Looks like the record company has made the link members-only. Why? We don't know!

Monday, October 14, 2013

Robbing the Family Dollar store--in a wig!

An unidentified man held up a Family Dollar store down in Fayetteville, NC--and he did it while wearing a wig! The glamorous gunman first did a little shopping, then brought the merch up to the counter. When the cashier began to total the purchases, he brandished a gun and demanded money, possibly with a haughty toss of his fake, flowing locks. In contrast to California's terrifying but stylish Asian Wig Bandit, this fanciful felon has been described as a black male. But, like the Asian Wig Bandit, he hasn't been caught. Be careful out there, everybody!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

OMG! Joan meets Tabatha!

It's a Cafeteria Lady Blog meltdown, as our favorite chat-show host, Joan Rivers, meets our favorite everything, Tabatha Coffey, on the sensational online chat show In Bed With Joan! Tabatha talks about growing up obese in transexual-staffed strip clubs, and Joan marvels at just how funny her guest really is. Can't they just have a regular show they host together, please?